It's Your Time to SHINE

   

Haven't posted in quite some time..Not sure why, just distracted with life! There isn't even the    excuse that I have been busy because really I haven't. This is the cover of my latest free-lance magazine. It is set to hit residence homes in the next few weeks. I'm really proud of this issue and hope to continue to grow and learn to become better!

PERSONIFY YOUR LIFE

I just discovered my new favorite word.

personify

[ pərˈsänəˌfī ] 

VERB

represent (a quality or concept) by a figure in human form:
"public pageants and dramas in which virtues and vices were personified"

Powered by OxfordDictionaries · © Oxford University Press

I have always wanted to design and publish my own magazine. I want this to be my life long legacy. Something people can pick up, or scroll through online or read wherever.. that highlights bad ass people who are KILLING it against all the odds! (pardon my language!!!)

I want to talk about the truth no one is wanting to admit!  Struggling relationships, very real loneliness or feeling like..you will just never measure up!

I am here for the underdogs.. and I represent one..

I had wanted the magazine to be called Represent but that title is pretty popular already and I feel like the word Personify actually is a way better fit! I want my life to Personify the Lord..I want the truth of His Freedom in every day life to shine through me. The word is so powerful! What does it means for our lives to Personify Christ?

ACT OUT           MANIFEST       LIVE AS                 IMAGE                    BE

EMBODY           SYMBOLIZE     MAKE HUMAN     IMPERSONATE      EXIST

EPITOMIZE       CONTAIN         PERSONLIZE        HUMANIZE           PORTRAYAL  

EXEMPLIFY      COPY               EXTERNALIZE       MIRROR              REPRESENT

It's an every day thing..just like eating right, going to the gym and spending time with God in those quiet moments.

I would love to share and encourage others to Personify Christ in their life...

I would love to have pages with :

Wicked Photos..of the most beautiful places on earth

All the simplest ways to enjoy peace in our lives

Incredible people who blow my mind 

Articles/ Tips on healthy living

Creative ways to express God's love in your surroundings ( Your home is your pallet! 

Real and indepth look at relationships & God being the glue (Single &or Married!

These are just a few thoughts.

I really wish I had tons of energy and time to start developing this..Its really tough when your doing all the research and writing all the articles! I pray one day I will have an office with a copywriter, & graphic designer to help develop Personify into a credible and respected magazine. I also pray it will reach millions of homes nation wide and open hearts everywhere to see a kind of life..they have been missing and a kind of life that could easily be theirs!

DO IT!!!!!

He's Not Done With Me Yet!

It's Easter Sunday.

I am still feeling the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit. 
This weekend is coming to a close, I have been privileged and was able to attend 3 Easter services this weekend, One on Thursday, Friday and Today, Sunday. 
I am left with this feeling of..wondering what I can say or do to capture what God has done in my heart and life! Nothing seems to express the passion and devotion I feel.

This weekend I was reminded of my love for the Lord. I have too many self seeking days but I am so thankful that God doesn't see that, He ushers me into His presense and sets my Spirit soaring! 

I love that we celebrate God in Worship at our church. We cheer and clap and express our Joy with decelration and affirmation in agreement with Truth that is so awesome we can't just be quiet about it!

God is doing something in our hearts. When together we experience that passion and it sparks an inclination and longing to do something greater so other people can share and experience God's goodness the way that we have..that is when you know God is moving.

I can say I feel like that tonight. I don't even know what to do with it. My heart just wasn't satisfied coming home to watch T.V..I felt like I needed more.. I put worship music on...but I still want more..now I am writing here thinking of what I can possibly do to quench this feeling that I somehow need to go deeper..create..write..dance..workout my faith! express God's love somehow..

Its like an explosion welling up inside that can't be settled..
its an uncomfortable ..brilliant..uneasy...full... -combustion like feeling.

It's a feeling that lets me know I'm not as far away from God as I sometimes feel. He is alive and active in my heart and life. I can feel Him working all around me..

I am beyond words..God has been the Anchor in my life, He is the light guiding my every step! He sacrificed and paid the greatest cost so I could live in freedom. Today I choose again to step into the passionate loving relationship that God has given to me. I choose to walk in Freedom..knowing God has delivered and set me free from all the burdens I once carried. 

I am weak, I don't have my life figured out..All the dreams I have feel millions of miles away but what I do have and will hold on so tight to is HOPE! Hope that God will continue to lead me through the valleys and meet me by the river..

This is just the beginning..God is in the restoration business and although my life may need a lot of it I know and believe that God will turn it around and restore what has been taken from me! 
God wants to do more than I can even believe or imagine! 

You've Got This!

Its Saturday night, my day off, Raptors are playing against Houston..Im listening to the fifty shades of grey sound track, reading through some older posts.. reminiscing. 

I really love reading some of my older posts, I have a strong poetic outlook on life that is pretty priceless. It's hard to see how different my life has become since Kyle I split. I was so unaware back then, I was a hopeless dreamer who believed in the impossible. I haven't totally changed but my optimism and hopeful thinking has a lot of protective elements surrounding it now. 

I am not sure how I am going to be able to trust someone with my heart again. Its going to take a lot but letting my guard down and allowing someone to comfort me is going to be so tough. I look at love and relationships so differently now. I always thought I could just be me..

I thought marriage was something special with one person...you were able to cry, share  highs and lows..be weak and be yourself, the good ..the bad..and the ugly! ..In my situation I felt like everything was later used against me.. I have a terrible fear now of letting go and trusting someone with my heart. Im afraid they're going to turn around one day out of the blue and say it all wasn't okay and leave. 

I am fighting for my optimistic outlook on life again. I am doing all the right things to achieve it.. I have been doing 5 days a week at the Gym since January 1. Also, reading through the bible and spending more time in prayer and focusing my life and priorities. 
It's so challenging though, my heart can't catch up with the rest of my mind and body. It still hurts so much. I feel so betrayed and forgotten. Its painful. 

I am going to try to take this year to transform, so far everyday has been a fight.. I am pushing through my sadness believing in a bright future where I can love whole heartedly. 
One day at a time..This is my Mantra. The discipline to work out and physically transform Im seeing is the easy part, Spiritually..spending time with God is also my natural reaction but healing my heart is proving to be the hardest thing Ive ever had to do.

Looking back .. I like the Innocent and dreamy outlook I used to have but I LOVE the powerful confident assurance that I possess today a lot more! I was pretty special back in the day..but now..I am tough as nails and having to fend for myself has created this driven independent woman who knows exactly what she wants and is not going to settle for anything less than 100%. I was way to accepting and understanding in my younger years. There are certain things that are just not acceptable to me anymore and I won't be putting up with any mistreatment anymore! 

When I'm on the tread mill running, I am constantly thinking to myself..You have to fight for this ..You've got this!!! you have to physically workout your faith..This is your life..your becoming who you want to be.. Its like Im getting stronger emotionally with every workout..the physical output is healing my heart at the same time. Its encouraging to experience this. As hard as life gets and right now with the snow and winter, its been super hard! But Its taking little active steps that Im feeling are making a big difference. 

I am happy about that.
The Raptors are having a really tough game, 98-76 ..But you know they are going to BRING IT ..next game..they always give it their all and Im going to keep giving life my all too! 

Forever Don't Last ..

This is my Jam.

She is singing how my heart feels..

5- A Day Week #1 Completed

5 days at the Gym Finished!

I have been feeling kinda blue lately, one thing I have found that always seems to lift my spirits and energy level aside from spending time with God is the Gym. Phones in..Music blaring..and it's ON!

There is this song by Delerious5?, lyrics go something like this : " It's Ok, you know I live to fight another day...Its Ok..you know I live to find another day." So many of my days are like these lyrics..I am just living to make it through the day and if everything goes the way I hope when I lay my head down on my pillow at bedtime..I am feeling rest and assured in the love and peace of God. 

So ..Here's to another day..living for it the best that I can.

New Year, New Life

So..
2015
Ah, I hope for so much this year!
Its too soon to call it but around Oct last year I felt like something switched in my brain, I figured some stuff out about myself that I needed and gained this better understanding and peace for my life.

Everything is just starting to FLOW. For those of you who tune into Elevation Church, you may have heard the Pastor, Steve Furtick talk about finding our Flow during his New Years Eve message. It was pretty powerful! The idea that we don't need to look for new wells to receive a fresh movement from God in our lives, that the one we have may be clogged up and rusty but it's still good!! We just have to clear it out instead of continually looking for new sources of Spiritual refreshment. No need for New Wells!

For so many years I was searching for a new spiritual encounter similar to the life changing one I had in the summer of '99 when I was prayed for and released from heavy oppression and bondage. Since that time in my life I haven't been able to experience the power of the Holy Spirit in the same ways as I did that summer and the fall months that followed. I thought for sure that someone was going to have to pray for me intensly in order for me to hear the Holy Spirit speaking into my life and feel His presence. 

It happened slowly, I started to dig in this summer. Through the tears and sadness of everything that has happened in my life I cried out to God. What I realized every single time is after the crying and saying "I can't do this..this is too hard..I feel so lost"...amongst other things! My pain turned into praise..praise at how God had brought me through to this point, how I was starting to see that He was carefully holding me and the plans for my life were still going to happen, He hadn't forgotten about me!

God is using the past mistakes and faliures to recreate a life and a future with purpose that I can't even imagine. His plan and purpose for my life hasn't changed and He is not going to leave me this way! 

All this realization and 3 words:

Trust

Wait

Let Go

These words were given to me at different times but in that order last fall by the Holy Spirit so clearly I will never forget them. All during complete and utter pain staking moments while I was hanging on for dear life, not sure I was going to make it! Every single time..after I heard the word..peace beyond measure and a whirlwind of clarity consumed me! 

Since then I have figured out too that the only time I feel really really good and hopeful & in the "Flow" is when I am spending time with God. I watch Podcast sermon series' a few times a week, This I have found is the best way to start the day! Craig Groeschel has some of the best sermon series' ever!!! Always gets me motivated and inspired. I spend time all through out the day just trying to stay connected to the Lord. Bible reading and prayer in the morning is the best way to start everyday (But you already knew that!) I love to listen to worship music at the gym too! Makes the hour on the treadmill a mini worship service! 

All this to say..
I feel like something has shifted in my heart and I am so thankful.
I feel like I am just beginning but on my way to truly transforming into the woman God has believed me always to be. He's never given up hope and I am full of it now too!

Linsanity ..AKA Jeremy Lin.

If you want to be inspired...if you want to see an underdog overcome..you need to watch this guy Jeremy Lin.

I know I have been posting videos to Facebook and other social media sites all day about basketball and my excitement for the Documentary on this guy, "Linsanity" which you can watch on Netflix but I am just so in awe of everything he has overcome and how God has helped him stay humble and rise above what anyone could have expected. 

I look up to this man, I admire him for his grace under pressure and passion to follow the Lord. 
He almost didn't make it into the NBA..with only hours left on his contract and a season of being benched he was given the chance to play and he tore up the court! He became an overnight sensation and it didn't end there...This led to a season of unprecedented wins for the NewYork Knicks and "Linsanity" had begun. 

He plays for the L.A Lakers now..and despite set backs he continues to stay driven, his focus and strength in God continues on and his attitude and passion for God is still ever so evident in his life.

He has a blog...and a prayer group you can join if you want to support him..
Check it out!

http://www.jlin7.com


If you want to see what its like to trust in God and overcome impossible obstacles watch the documentary! 

Its a Beautiful Day!

U2 is back on Tour. A GORGEOUS DAY IT IS!

Ahh...What to say! Yes U2 is just a Rock band and those of you who have taken a drive with me know that I am usually blaring some other bands music! But I love U2. I love everything they stand for and the abandoned feeling I get when I am standing in front of thousands of people..and Bono is somehow singing straight to me! U2's concerts are an experience, I think one of the reasons they have such a loyal dedicated following is because once you have waited all day in line and snagged that front rail inner circle spot..you feel part of something glorious. 

I get beyond excited..I just got my tickets today and I am already on forums talking to other fans I remember from previous shows. We are all so excited, all ready to embark on another incredible U2 tour! 

Its wrong to even try to compare a U2 concert with what it may be like in Heaven but I think it might share some of those similar emotions . Everyone longing to get close, experience and share together in celebration, joy and just reckless abandonment. 

2015...

It's already looking so different from anything I have known..My whole world is different, I am different and looking back I had to go through so much to get me here BUT I just embrace it all, I love that I have been able to become more like the woman God has created me to be. Still a long way to go but I am praying for more Transformation in 2015. This U2 Tour is definitely going to be a late 34th Birthday Gift to me! I can't wait.


Here is a little video from one of the greatest live shows that happened in Ireland during the Elevation Tour.