Overcome.

Overcome.
You Can.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Somdays are Better then Others

The colour blue is perfect for how I feel right now. Some days are better then others and today is one of those days. I feel like I am up against a brick wall, that all my efforts all of my might all of my perseverance hits this brick wall and leaves me feeling hopeless. I feel like I am alone and no matter how hard I try to break through the wall stays the same and I am no further through then yesterday. Some days things make sense, and I understand what is going on around me and I know what to do and my world makes sense. On days like today it seems that everything around me is disorganized and like a puzzle and none of the pieces will come together and nothing fits where it should. I know the answers are there but I can only search and push so hard, I can only give so much of myself before I break and today I am broken.

I cry out to you God, hear my cry. I need you so much right now. Some days I feel like I am on top of the world that I have everything I need and on days like today I feel like I have nothing that everything you have blessed me with is not really there and its all just an illusion. Give me the strength I need right now to stay a true woman after you. Give me the patience and the love and the forgiveness that comes with being close to you Lord. I need those attributes to seep out of me to hold me steady and keep me from getting caught up in things that want to steer me away into sadness and loneliness. Lord hold me close and keep me near, let me know that you love me just as I am and Lord forgive me for all of the things that I have done to pull you away from me. I ask that you would meet with me here and fill my heart with your love. Take away all of the feelings of depression, loneliness, sadness and those feelings that I am a let down as a wife as a woman as a follower of you. I just ask for your divine intervention right now, let me know that you still love me in spite of all my insecurities and failures.
I am everything good that you created. I am everything beautiful that you designed. I am a woman who has the holy spirit living deep inside me and I have your love Jesus and its what holds me and keeps me safe. I love you so much for the way you continue to keep me near to you. I love that I can come to you with all of my deepest pain and sorrow.. I know you know my deepest secrets and I know you forgive me and love me in spite of all of my sins. I will turn to you when I feel alone because you have always been there for me. You have never let me down and when everyone else does you are still there. Lord please hear my cry, I need you because nothing else on this earth can compare to you. You are the only one. I just want to give this day to you and everything that i have stored in my heart and I want to give it to you. I give it all to you and I ask that you take the pain and sadness away from me and fill me with joy that can't be hidden under the blackest and most large amount of darkness. Make my light shine so bright for all to see, make my spirit come alive, full of colour, vibrant and bright. Make me new Jesus. Create in me a Clean heart. Take me over and fill me to the brim with joy, love, peace, grace.. all of the attributes that are of your love. I don't want to live another day caught up in what should be, how I should be , trying to please people or be someone I'm not. I just want to love you and let your love fill me with joy and follow you wherever you want to take me. I just surrender every part of who I am to you and I lay it at your feet. I know I'm not perfect but you know my heart Lord you know that to the core, in the depths of my heart that all I want is to be close to you and have the relationship together that we once had. You know that all I want is to be so close to you like on the day you set me free. I wish I was standing at the edge of a cliff right now, looking down into the ocean, I wish I was there with you, talking to you, hearing your voice, I want to be there with you now. Meet with me Lord, breath new life in me and make me new. I want to have a new heart that doesn't have any sadness only joy and love. I just want to give you everything I am and I pray that you hear my cry, I am so desperate for you Lord. Meet me here.

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