
Today I feel like a broken wall, all of the stones that once were strong, tall and sturdy have crumbled and broken under pressure.
Whenever the wall is at its strongest the wind always blows to tear it down.
The wall can be rebuilt and it has been so many times before, but in order to do this there has to be clear winds, at least for awhile.
I wonder when the clear winds will come.
I feel like I can't handle one more day under the pressure. I can remember facing obstacles at every turn and now here I am again. Facing another obstacle I fear I won't be able to overcome.
Have you ever felt like one more hit to your broken wall and the whole thing is going to come crashing down and this time no amount of love and support will be enough to rebuild the wall.
You just can't take another hit, you can't sustain another big blow. I have healed and over come so many obstacles before. I have experienced so much pain in the past few years.
First a year of being sick working at Book Depot. Never missing one day of work and being sick the entire time, a reaction to mold I didn't understand until I moved to B.C.
Second more then 6 months of facial pain, where my entire face hurt and finding the remody was more painful then the pain itself. And now this. My lower spine which according to my self diagnose via Google it's Coccydynia. I know self diagnosis is bad and the doctors say never to do it but it worked with my facial pain and when the shoe fits, it fits.
"Coccydynia, or tailbone pain, is a fairly rare and poorly understood condition that can cause persistent low back pain. It is felt as a localized pain at the very bottom of the spine (the coccyx) and will generally feel worse when sitting." "Patience is also very important, since it often takes many weeks, or even months, for the pain to subside."
This does not sound good but it fits. I am going on 3 weeks of feeling pain when I sit down and yesterday at school I was in so much pain sitting down at my desk that it took every ounce in my body to keep me from running out of the room. I just can't take anymore of this.
I am dreading school tomorrow.
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