Wyld Creativity: In Need of a Break Through

Sunday, October 10, 2010

In Need of a Break Through

SO I am back on familiar ground working at Fruits again. I have been pretty busy lately just starting this new position. I am working a little over 30 hours a week and I am a bit nervous because they are really throwing me in there without any training. I open alone on Tuesday without ever doing it by myself and no one is in until noon so I hope all the info I wrote down is enough to remember how to do it.

It feels good to be back at work but I can’t help but wonder what is going on with me. I am usually full of stamina and able to work long hours without much of a hindrance but now I find it so hard to make it through even 4 hours. I’m not sure if that’s because of MS or because of this crazy diet I’m on or if I’m just getting older but I feel so tired all the time and I find it really hard to keep going.

I’m still dealing with a lot of emotions, some days I feel pain around my eyes and lately I have been sick so that hasn’t helped but I feel like I am fighting everyday to wake up and go about life. I’m not over the pain I experienced this summer and the last 4 months have left me feeling completely spent and unable to bounce back. I am trying to get better and feel confident …taking on this job is a big step towards that but I am so far away from where I once was. Every little thing I have to do feels like moving mountains and is so incredibly challenging.

It’s depressing to talk about and I feel horrible for Kyle having to put up with a lack luster wife but these days all I can feel is down. Everything is a struggle and all I can do is try to pray for happier days but even praying feels like an empty thought. I so much need to be completely restored and healed. I need to be lifted out of this state of mind and into freedom and peace.

Whenever I want to feel happy all I can think about is the fact that I’m 29, and I don’t have a career and the creative field of advertising may be too challenging for me to get into…I might have to go back to school for it or start from scratch on my portfolio but I have no idea how to teach myself to make brilliant ads in Photoshop because the program is so hard for me to learn.

I have ideas but they get compromised because you can’t find the images and you don’t know how to use the tools in photo shop to make them look professional and stand out. It’s this vicious feeling that the whole thing is too challenging to even try to attempt and knowing that other areas of advertising would be okay to get into such as account management and strategic planning are helpful but so challenging none the less and I am unsure if I would feel satisfied in these.

You know that feeling you get when you have so much you need to do but you don’t know how to do it and it weighs in your heart and your mind everyday like a big brick…just sitting there? That’s what this career is for me. I need to do something about it but I barley have enough strength and stamina to get through a day yet my birthdays keep coming and Kyle keeps moving forward. The problem is I have no idea what I can do….do my portfolio on my own again and it will probably end up looking the same..I just feel so lost…

We want to have a life, moving forward saving money for a down payment on a house and starting a family, the window of opportunity is closing in on us and I feel like I need to start a career soon…so we can finally get out of this stage we’re in and start into the next. I just wish I knew how I was supposed to do that when I don’t feel like myself and everyday is such a struggle just to get up. I feel like the weight of the world is on me and there is so much to get done and time is just ticking by….

Well those are some of the issues I am struggling with these days.

I really just need complete restoration and a total break through so if you think or pray for me you can ask for that because I so desperately need it!

1 comment:

Pam said...: Heather , we will be praying for you... hang in there!; October 11, 2010 at 8:23 PM

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The Story of a Prince and a Girl who Dreamed of finding Her Prince.

Once upon a time there was a young woman named Ruby; she lived in a far way kingdom where only the stars in the sky could light the way. The kingdom was tall and made of stone. Inside, it had all of the finest linens and tapestries with winding stair cases, golden mirrors and exotic flowers that stretched the kingdom’s stone walls. The kingdom was surrounded by a large creek bed and had a large wooden draw bridge outside the tall black iron front gates. Beyond the kingdom were many forests, pastures, rivers and hills.

The young woman lived in the kingdom with only her two servants Nigel and Jasmine. They had been with Ruby ever since her mother gave birth to her and have cared for her and loved her since the great royal war that took her family tragically away from her. Years had past since then and Ruby was a young woman now. Since the great royal war she had not seen another person beside her servants. The lands had been deserted as other kingdoms were destroyed and abandoned. No one knew this kingdom existed. It stood in a far off place that only one deserted over grown pathway in the forest would lead to.

Ruby spent her childhood growing up playing with all the animals in the forest, she had names for all of them and would spend her days dancing in the pastures and walking along the creek bed throwing stones into the water. She was content those days as she lived free and enjoyed every tree, every stone, and every pathway near the kingdom. She loved her home but she missed her family and many times she felt alone.

As Ruby grew older she began to stop playing in the pastures and instead she spent her days walking along the creek bed dreaming of finding love and not being alone anymore. Every night outside her balcony she would spend time looking out into the stars and making wishes that one day soon a wonderful man would find the unmarked path in the forest that would lead him to her kingdom.

Nigel and Jasmine were very old now; Ruby took time to care for them and tended to their needs. She would gather food from the garden and make them food to eat and get them blankets to make sure they were comfortable when it was cold. She was not sure how much longer they would live but one thing she knew was how much she admired they’re love for one another and she hold that in her heart for as long as she lived.

It was a warm fall evening; the leaves from the trees were lightly falling as the sun began to set. Ruby was standing on her balcony in her long white silk night gown. As the dark sky began to shine, a light breeze bustled against her gown and her long brown hair blew lightly in the wind. She stood with her hands on the balcony ledge and wished to the stars like she had so many nights before singing” Star light Star bright bring my prince home to me tonight” She stared up into the dark blue sky and began to talk more to the shinning stars.

Just as she was looking up into the sky, talking to the stars a man was following the pathway from the forest that leads to Ruby’s kingdom. He was beginning to approach the edge of the pathway he had began journeying on earlier that day and was about to step on to a beautiful white shiny stoned pebble walk way that would lead up to a draw bridge and to Ruby’s kingdom.

The young man had been travelling for months only eating what he could find along the pathway. Henry was a prince from the golden city of Persia. He was on an expedition when he was captured by rivals and taken to a far away land where he was imprisoned in a place he did not know. Months ago after many nights planning Henry escaped while the guards were sleeping. He thought he would be able to journey home by recognizing land marks but once he had fled the guards he realized that he was further from home then he ever imagined and much to his dismay he did not recognize any of his surroundings. He had been following the sun in hopes of finding his way home. Each day he walked further hoping that one day the pathway would lead him to his family.

Earlier that day Henry had been walking though the forest with large green bushes and fruitful trees around him when he saw a small unmarked pathway that was ragged and old. There were no fruit trees, only old tall trees and an old pebble pathway that seemed run down and abandoned.

He was going to continue to walk on the pathway he had been but something caught his eye as he walked past this abandoned trail. Henry saw a small red ruby attached to a ring lying in between some wet leaves. The sun was shining on it and it glistened and shinned at him. He bent down and lifted the leaves around it away and dusted the ring off and looked at. The ring was prestigious and fit for a princess. He thought about continuing on the main pathway road through the forest but he was drawn down this unmarked pathway. He wondered if this ruby red ring belonged to someone. He put the ring in his pocket and began to walk along the jagged unmarked pathway. He noticed that there were no markings along this pathway so it appeared that no one had walked this pathway for many years.

To Be Continued…

Wyld Creativity

Overcome.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

In Need of a Break Through

1 comment:

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