Wyld Creativity: Blahzahe

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Blahzahe

Okay this is my place to vent, be totally honest and it’s my outlet so I don’t like to restrict what I say based on what people will think because it’s my little getaway, my place to be. So in keeping with that, today is not a good day. I feel miserable. I am so depressed with life, thinking about spending another hour trying to research possible jobs is like nails on a chalk board.

I am so tired and I haven’t been doing anything to warrant being tired. I should be enjoying this time off but I can’t relax because I keep thinking about all these dreams that Kyle and I have together and they all involve having money and I feel like I am holding those dreams captive while I search for a job. I will start looking for any job in about 2 weeks but I was hoping it wouldn’t have come to that. I wanted an internship, something related to Advertising this summer so I could progress forward in the fall.

I want to know that there is something out there for me, I need to feel direction..I want to get started in a career so we can pay off our credit cards, get a new place and eventually a house, start a family, go away on a honeymoon which we still haven’t, visit Family in the Caribbean, which again we still haven’t.

I find it so hard watching people get married, go on honey moon’s and launch careers and go on all of these all inclusive trips to resorts…I see all the pictures on face book, I don’t know what it is but it looks like they have it all. Even if we wanted to go on a trip to some romantic resort I would never be able to wear a bikini or feel confident because of my body..my weight stops me from really being free and able to enjoy life the way I want. I am trying my best to change that but I’m afraid that I will never reach my goals and therefore never go on an all inclusive vacation! Pretty hig

h stakes and I just keep getting older..

I get older and time keeps running out. I feel like everything is in a time crunch, I finished school but I need to start a career in order for us to have the financial freedom we want to buy a house and start a family, I don’t want to start a family until I lose weight and am completely healthy. I am finally working on my driver’s license which is another step that needed to be taken because you can’t have kids without one! I just feel like yes I am making progress I mean I finished school and I am working on my license and I keep trying to lose weight and I’m sure a job will happen eventually but right now I just feel like waiting for change and something to happen is painful. I am sooooo ready for everything to just be the way I need it to be, for life to be in order.

I know..stop complaining and keep trying to make it happen..I get that, and I will do that eventually but right now wallowing is about all I want to do right now!

1 comment:

Heidi said...: Heather,
I'm so sorry you're having a depressed day. I totally get those too.

I'm learning as I go on that all the money in the world or things like a nice house and family are never going to satisfy you unless you've found a place of contentment and satisfaction within yourself. That is a hard and sometimes discouraging journey but really only Jesus can satisfy us or bring us to that place of contentment.

That being said I will keep praying you find a job and while you are struggling on the journey you would learn all the things that the difficulties can teach you.

I've been following Weight Watchers for the week and am totally hungry today! How are you doing with it?

Heidi; June 2, 2010 at 5:08 PM

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The Story of a Prince and a Girl who Dreamed of finding Her Prince.

Once upon a time there was a young woman named Ruby; she lived in a far way kingdom where only the stars in the sky could light the way. The kingdom was tall and made of stone. Inside, it had all of the finest linens and tapestries with winding stair cases, golden mirrors and exotic flowers that stretched the kingdom’s stone walls. The kingdom was surrounded by a large creek bed and had a large wooden draw bridge outside the tall black iron front gates. Beyond the kingdom were many forests, pastures, rivers and hills.

The young woman lived in the kingdom with only her two servants Nigel and Jasmine. They had been with Ruby ever since her mother gave birth to her and have cared for her and loved her since the great royal war that took her family tragically away from her. Years had past since then and Ruby was a young woman now. Since the great royal war she had not seen another person beside her servants. The lands had been deserted as other kingdoms were destroyed and abandoned. No one knew this kingdom existed. It stood in a far off place that only one deserted over grown pathway in the forest would lead to.

Ruby spent her childhood growing up playing with all the animals in the forest, she had names for all of them and would spend her days dancing in the pastures and walking along the creek bed throwing stones into the water. She was content those days as she lived free and enjoyed every tree, every stone, and every pathway near the kingdom. She loved her home but she missed her family and many times she felt alone.

As Ruby grew older she began to stop playing in the pastures and instead she spent her days walking along the creek bed dreaming of finding love and not being alone anymore. Every night outside her balcony she would spend time looking out into the stars and making wishes that one day soon a wonderful man would find the unmarked path in the forest that would lead him to her kingdom.

Nigel and Jasmine were very old now; Ruby took time to care for them and tended to their needs. She would gather food from the garden and make them food to eat and get them blankets to make sure they were comfortable when it was cold. She was not sure how much longer they would live but one thing she knew was how much she admired they’re love for one another and she hold that in her heart for as long as she lived.

It was a warm fall evening; the leaves from the trees were lightly falling as the sun began to set. Ruby was standing on her balcony in her long white silk night gown. As the dark sky began to shine, a light breeze bustled against her gown and her long brown hair blew lightly in the wind. She stood with her hands on the balcony ledge and wished to the stars like she had so many nights before singing” Star light Star bright bring my prince home to me tonight” She stared up into the dark blue sky and began to talk more to the shinning stars.

Just as she was looking up into the sky, talking to the stars a man was following the pathway from the forest that leads to Ruby’s kingdom. He was beginning to approach the edge of the pathway he had began journeying on earlier that day and was about to step on to a beautiful white shiny stoned pebble walk way that would lead up to a draw bridge and to Ruby’s kingdom.

The young man had been travelling for months only eating what he could find along the pathway. Henry was a prince from the golden city of Persia. He was on an expedition when he was captured by rivals and taken to a far away land where he was imprisoned in a place he did not know. Months ago after many nights planning Henry escaped while the guards were sleeping. He thought he would be able to journey home by recognizing land marks but once he had fled the guards he realized that he was further from home then he ever imagined and much to his dismay he did not recognize any of his surroundings. He had been following the sun in hopes of finding his way home. Each day he walked further hoping that one day the pathway would lead him to his family.

Earlier that day Henry had been walking though the forest with large green bushes and fruitful trees around him when he saw a small unmarked pathway that was ragged and old. There were no fruit trees, only old tall trees and an old pebble pathway that seemed run down and abandoned.

He was going to continue to walk on the pathway he had been but something caught his eye as he walked past this abandoned trail. Henry saw a small red ruby attached to a ring lying in between some wet leaves. The sun was shining on it and it glistened and shinned at him. He bent down and lifted the leaves around it away and dusted the ring off and looked at. The ring was prestigious and fit for a princess. He thought about continuing on the main pathway road through the forest but he was drawn down this unmarked pathway. He wondered if this ruby red ring belonged to someone. He put the ring in his pocket and began to walk along the jagged unmarked pathway. He noticed that there were no markings along this pathway so it appeared that no one had walked this pathway for many years.

To Be Continued…

Wyld Creativity

Overcome.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Blahzahe

1 comment:

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