Wyld Creativity: Another late night..

Friday, July 9, 2010

Another late night..

I am just sitting here, listening to worship music. It's really late..almost 2 am, Kyle wasn't feeling well and went to bed early and I have just been sitting here, thinking and listening to music. I don't know what it is..these days are so hard because everything feels so far away. I keep waiting for one good thing to happen to start moving my dreams, hopes and goals in the right direction. It's not just the driving and the job or even the weight loss..it's this deeper longing. I feel so restless with life, I can't seem to find that passion and drive in anything. I have all of these tools, I have the knowledge and I have done the work and I have the desire yet I still haven't been able to grab hold of the passion.

I want to feel a connection, I want to wake up and be inspired and doing creative things all day and watch time just fly by. I want to sing and dance..I want to feel freedom and exude passion. I have these ideas and God gave me direction for my life so many years ago in '99 and I cling to that, it was the only time I can remember having everything I ever wanted in life. I feel like a person needs a radical transformation to experience the fullness of a relationship with the Holy Spirit. I don't know if I can sit here and hope for it to become a reality.

I have the desire to have this close relationship like I once did but I wish that was enough, but it doesn't seem to be. I feel like I should be reading the bible and praying more but I just can't find the longing for that. I feel like everything inside me wants a deeper connection but I'm incapable of being interested in reading the bible. I want God to speak to me but I think I just continue to make things difficult because I don't try hard enough to find ways to listen.

Inspite of everything though, I can feel that God is with me, I know I'm not alone. He has been with me all these years and has blessed me so much. I know that the hardest thing to do when we feel like giving up is continue to try but that is what I know I need to keep doing. I need to Keep trying to get to that place of passion, closeness and joy. I just have to keep moving and continue trying, that's all I can do.

I'm not sure if anything I have talked about has made sense. It's really late and I'm falling asleep now..it's funny this song just started up.."freedom reigns in this place, showers of mercy and grace" I love this song, its my song..this is a good way to end the night..

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The Story of a Prince and a Girl who Dreamed of finding Her Prince.

Once upon a time there was a young woman named Ruby; she lived in a far way kingdom where only the stars in the sky could light the way. The kingdom was tall and made of stone. Inside, it had all of the finest linens and tapestries with winding stair cases, golden mirrors and exotic flowers that stretched the kingdom’s stone walls. The kingdom was surrounded by a large creek bed and had a large wooden draw bridge outside the tall black iron front gates. Beyond the kingdom were many forests, pastures, rivers and hills.

The young woman lived in the kingdom with only her two servants Nigel and Jasmine. They had been with Ruby ever since her mother gave birth to her and have cared for her and loved her since the great royal war that took her family tragically away from her. Years had past since then and Ruby was a young woman now. Since the great royal war she had not seen another person beside her servants. The lands had been deserted as other kingdoms were destroyed and abandoned. No one knew this kingdom existed. It stood in a far off place that only one deserted over grown pathway in the forest would lead to.

Ruby spent her childhood growing up playing with all the animals in the forest, she had names for all of them and would spend her days dancing in the pastures and walking along the creek bed throwing stones into the water. She was content those days as she lived free and enjoyed every tree, every stone, and every pathway near the kingdom. She loved her home but she missed her family and many times she felt alone.

As Ruby grew older she began to stop playing in the pastures and instead she spent her days walking along the creek bed dreaming of finding love and not being alone anymore. Every night outside her balcony she would spend time looking out into the stars and making wishes that one day soon a wonderful man would find the unmarked path in the forest that would lead him to her kingdom.

Nigel and Jasmine were very old now; Ruby took time to care for them and tended to their needs. She would gather food from the garden and make them food to eat and get them blankets to make sure they were comfortable when it was cold. She was not sure how much longer they would live but one thing she knew was how much she admired they’re love for one another and she hold that in her heart for as long as she lived.

It was a warm fall evening; the leaves from the trees were lightly falling as the sun began to set. Ruby was standing on her balcony in her long white silk night gown. As the dark sky began to shine, a light breeze bustled against her gown and her long brown hair blew lightly in the wind. She stood with her hands on the balcony ledge and wished to the stars like she had so many nights before singing” Star light Star bright bring my prince home to me tonight” She stared up into the dark blue sky and began to talk more to the shinning stars.

Just as she was looking up into the sky, talking to the stars a man was following the pathway from the forest that leads to Ruby’s kingdom. He was beginning to approach the edge of the pathway he had began journeying on earlier that day and was about to step on to a beautiful white shiny stoned pebble walk way that would lead up to a draw bridge and to Ruby’s kingdom.

The young man had been travelling for months only eating what he could find along the pathway. Henry was a prince from the golden city of Persia. He was on an expedition when he was captured by rivals and taken to a far away land where he was imprisoned in a place he did not know. Months ago after many nights planning Henry escaped while the guards were sleeping. He thought he would be able to journey home by recognizing land marks but once he had fled the guards he realized that he was further from home then he ever imagined and much to his dismay he did not recognize any of his surroundings. He had been following the sun in hopes of finding his way home. Each day he walked further hoping that one day the pathway would lead him to his family.

Earlier that day Henry had been walking though the forest with large green bushes and fruitful trees around him when he saw a small unmarked pathway that was ragged and old. There were no fruit trees, only old tall trees and an old pebble pathway that seemed run down and abandoned.

He was going to continue to walk on the pathway he had been but something caught his eye as he walked past this abandoned trail. Henry saw a small red ruby attached to a ring lying in between some wet leaves. The sun was shining on it and it glistened and shinned at him. He bent down and lifted the leaves around it away and dusted the ring off and looked at. The ring was prestigious and fit for a princess. He thought about continuing on the main pathway road through the forest but he was drawn down this unmarked pathway. He wondered if this ruby red ring belonged to someone. He put the ring in his pocket and began to walk along the jagged unmarked pathway. He noticed that there were no markings along this pathway so it appeared that no one had walked this pathway for many years.

To Be Continued…

Wyld Creativity

Overcome.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Another late night..

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