Overcome.

Overcome.
You Can.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

One of those Days

Well I am here at home today, I was supposed to be at Publicis meeting with the VP of strategy in Advertising but after emailing her this morning to confirm our meeting time she informed me that she was swamped today and the next 3 weeks and to get back in touch with her in the middle of August. So here I am, doing the same old thing as always which is nothing. I know I need to just start working, anywhere..I had high hopes of so much more but now I need to re group and accept that full time in retail is what I need to invest myself into right now while I continue to pray that an opening in my field opens up.
I haven’t been feeling great, I am okay because I can tolerate the pain I experience. Today I took 2 advil to help..I don’t have a headache just tons of pressure by my eyes and sharp pains across my face. I think based on what I have read online it is more than likely connected with my sinus’s and seeing as it’s summer that makes a lot of sense. I should go to the clinic to see if there is anything they can give me and see if that helps fix it. I don’t know if it’s MS or something else, It could be connected to the nerves around my eyes…which can’t be fixed… but I do know I am getting so tired of feeling pain. I am so hesitant to want to do anything, go outside..turn my head to look into the sun…just go about my day because I never feel normal. It’s so hard to describe but my eyes, face, bridge of my nose…is continually strained and even when I take advil I still don’t feel like myself.

I want to be up for so much, I want to get excited…look forward to getting up everyday…I want to feel like I can take on a job and know that I can handle it and embrace it, even go out running or watch shows on T.V…nothing is relaxing, this time at home while I’m not working should be the best time of my life…I appreciate it so much but I can’t make myself do what I want because I just feel stuck in this rut of pain and worry and stress. Sometimes I wish It would be all or nothing, all the way sick and unable to even get out of bed rather than this in between stage where I can still function and do everything but it’s really uncomfortable and stressful.

I don’t know what to do anymore about anything, I haven’t felt well since just after my graduation, it’s so hard to dream, and it’s so hard to feel motivated to try to get out there and work when every day I feel like the 40% of myself. I know that it’s better to think positive and I will…some days are just better than others. Today I am going to re group and hope that I feel better and up to looking for a job, all I can hope is that I will feel better again soon so I can move forward in my life and feel confident enough to do the daily tasks I need to. It’s really important to continue to strive for the goals Kyle and I have in spite of how I feel.

Well I am going to go relax and listen to some music for awhile, hopefully one of these days I will have exciting new life changes to share, we can hope together for that!

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