Wyld Creativity: Sleepless Nights

Friday, November 7, 2014

Sleepless Nights

This whole time change is taking awhile to sink in! Lately I've been going to bed pretty early and waking up in the middle of the night. So it's 2 am and I'm watching Jimmy Fallon! Probably try going to bed in a few minutes.

It's so hard to believe it's November and almost Christmas again. I've been alone for over a year now and it sometimes it all still doesn't sink in. Life is pretty awesome most of the time! I really feel blessed. The first ever magazine publication for Hannah House "Shine Bright" should be reaching homes early next week, it's amazing to see God allowing me to pursue my passion and dream to have a magazine through this incredible opportunity. It's the kick off starting point that I need to begin down this road that I have felt is the direction God has been calling me towards.

I have a lot to be thankful for, my regular job that pays the bills at 7-Eleven has been great, I love the people and look forward to going to work everyday.

I always am very honest and upfront about how I feel. I haven't posted as much as id like to for that reason, I just wasn't comfortable sharing how I felt because so much of what was going on in my life was relating back to dealing with being separated and life since our split. I've not wanted to be bitter or dwell on things I can't change.

I'm still healing and as I prepare to face another Christmas alone I am excited and sad at the same time. I often feel prepared to move on and the thought of doing that and sharing this season with someone who deeply cares for me makes me smile. On the other hand I feel sad when I look around and think back to my first Christmas with Kyle by ourselves in B.C, we only had $50 to spend and buying a Christmas tree was a huge splurge, that and other things made our first Christmas so sweet and precious.

My days are usually a blur between past and present, photo albums filled with years of memories are hard to forget yet the person I am today is so much more vibrant and complete than that girl I used to be. Life is a journey of self discovery and the more we experience and go through the more we understand and become our best selves. It's hard because I miss my old life but at the same time I don't because I was missing a big part of me.

I was watching Parenthood and there is a couple who are going through a separation and tonight's episode they were dividing assets and divorce is the next step. It's been interesting watching this storyline and I've related in the sense that from a viewers stand point it's so obvious, just get over it and come back! Make it work! I've appreciated how the show has left that situation uncomfortable and difficult because that is very true to how it is. After two people have been so hurt, the immediate reaction is self protection.

In my case I will be completely honest, a statement of heart felt professed love and willingness to try would influence me greatly. The cliff hanger in tonights episode leaves Julia on the receiving end of that exact heart felt plea to rectify the marriage. It's very difficult to watch that, I think anyone who has been in a similar situation longs for that.

The healing part of this year for me has been letting go of that scenario occurring, not to say it couldn't but that its all okay. God has had a plan set apart for me since I was born and trusting my life in His is the answer to everything.
It's liberating and scary but so freeing. I still pray all the time for something miraculous to change, physically speaking with all that's happened it is humanly impossible but I know that with God nothing is too great. I have to trust and allow Him to lead.

So that's where I sit, in the middle of joy and sorrow .. Everyday! It's at times uncomfortable especially since divorce is looming and very real but knowing that God is in control is completely freeing! I trust in Him, He has helped me prepare for a new life and it's going to be great because I'm a different woman than I was before. I'm strong, self reliant, distinctly aware, grateful, confident and the biggie- I don't know how to explain this but fearfully aware of The Lord in a new way. My life is His and being obedient to the Holy Spirit's still small voice is my compass pointing me in the right direction. That brings me incredible peace and joy. Thank you for that Lord!

Okay, 3:25 AM time for bed!

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The Story of a Prince and a Girl who Dreamed of finding Her Prince.

Once upon a time there was a young woman named Ruby; she lived in a far way kingdom where only the stars in the sky could light the way. The kingdom was tall and made of stone. Inside, it had all of the finest linens and tapestries with winding stair cases, golden mirrors and exotic flowers that stretched the kingdom’s stone walls. The kingdom was surrounded by a large creek bed and had a large wooden draw bridge outside the tall black iron front gates. Beyond the kingdom were many forests, pastures, rivers and hills.

The young woman lived in the kingdom with only her two servants Nigel and Jasmine. They had been with Ruby ever since her mother gave birth to her and have cared for her and loved her since the great royal war that took her family tragically away from her. Years had past since then and Ruby was a young woman now. Since the great royal war she had not seen another person beside her servants. The lands had been deserted as other kingdoms were destroyed and abandoned. No one knew this kingdom existed. It stood in a far off place that only one deserted over grown pathway in the forest would lead to.

Ruby spent her childhood growing up playing with all the animals in the forest, she had names for all of them and would spend her days dancing in the pastures and walking along the creek bed throwing stones into the water. She was content those days as she lived free and enjoyed every tree, every stone, and every pathway near the kingdom. She loved her home but she missed her family and many times she felt alone.

As Ruby grew older she began to stop playing in the pastures and instead she spent her days walking along the creek bed dreaming of finding love and not being alone anymore. Every night outside her balcony she would spend time looking out into the stars and making wishes that one day soon a wonderful man would find the unmarked path in the forest that would lead him to her kingdom.

Nigel and Jasmine were very old now; Ruby took time to care for them and tended to their needs. She would gather food from the garden and make them food to eat and get them blankets to make sure they were comfortable when it was cold. She was not sure how much longer they would live but one thing she knew was how much she admired they’re love for one another and she hold that in her heart for as long as she lived.

It was a warm fall evening; the leaves from the trees were lightly falling as the sun began to set. Ruby was standing on her balcony in her long white silk night gown. As the dark sky began to shine, a light breeze bustled against her gown and her long brown hair blew lightly in the wind. She stood with her hands on the balcony ledge and wished to the stars like she had so many nights before singing” Star light Star bright bring my prince home to me tonight” She stared up into the dark blue sky and began to talk more to the shinning stars.

Just as she was looking up into the sky, talking to the stars a man was following the pathway from the forest that leads to Ruby’s kingdom. He was beginning to approach the edge of the pathway he had began journeying on earlier that day and was about to step on to a beautiful white shiny stoned pebble walk way that would lead up to a draw bridge and to Ruby’s kingdom.

The young man had been travelling for months only eating what he could find along the pathway. Henry was a prince from the golden city of Persia. He was on an expedition when he was captured by rivals and taken to a far away land where he was imprisoned in a place he did not know. Months ago after many nights planning Henry escaped while the guards were sleeping. He thought he would be able to journey home by recognizing land marks but once he had fled the guards he realized that he was further from home then he ever imagined and much to his dismay he did not recognize any of his surroundings. He had been following the sun in hopes of finding his way home. Each day he walked further hoping that one day the pathway would lead him to his family.

Earlier that day Henry had been walking though the forest with large green bushes and fruitful trees around him when he saw a small unmarked pathway that was ragged and old. There were no fruit trees, only old tall trees and an old pebble pathway that seemed run down and abandoned.

He was going to continue to walk on the pathway he had been but something caught his eye as he walked past this abandoned trail. Henry saw a small red ruby attached to a ring lying in between some wet leaves. The sun was shining on it and it glistened and shinned at him. He bent down and lifted the leaves around it away and dusted the ring off and looked at. The ring was prestigious and fit for a princess. He thought about continuing on the main pathway road through the forest but he was drawn down this unmarked pathway. He wondered if this ruby red ring belonged to someone. He put the ring in his pocket and began to walk along the jagged unmarked pathway. He noticed that there were no markings along this pathway so it appeared that no one had walked this pathway for many years.

To Be Continued…

Wyld Creativity

Overcome.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Sleepless Nights

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